There will come a point in your recovery where you type something like ‘brain injury recovery’ into Google. Make sure you’re sitting down because you’re not recommended to Google a tickly cough if you’re feeling negative, never mind anything neurological!
It won’t be a pleasant read. That’s because whenever you Google a condition, you’ll find yourself reading about the absolute worst-case scenario. The sad fact is that bad news sells. Someone has taken the time to write the article and it’s likely that someone won’t have the personal experience of the emotional pain caused by head injury. They want people to read that article (otherwise, what’s the point in writing it?). It will be cold hard facts, which don’t tend to be very empathetic and are unlikely to be about things being ok - that would only interest the likes of us!
The rapid rate of healing you experience at first can only last so long before you get to a stage where you stop healing physically. Look this up in a textbook and it’s known as ‘plateauing’, which I originally thought is where you make no more progress. If you believe that would be the case, like I did, then it is a perfect excuse to stop trying in life and feel very sorry for yourself (like I did). Please don’t think that, it just means that you are going to have limitations on your life that other people don’t have. Limitations like fatigue, poor memory, disorganisation. I’m not saying you can totally overcome them, but you can do a lot to combat them by being (a bit) organised.
I lived for quite a while thinking that someone was going to come along and make it all better, nobody did though. I learned that aside from myself and my immediate family, I am nobody else’s priority and everyone else has enough of their own problems to worry about mine and as hard as it was, this was a reality that I had to face. I received a bit of sympathy at first and I admit there were times that I really enjoyed it. People offered to help me, which is nice, but I realised that I didn’t want to be thought of as a victim, that made me feel quite weak. I wanted people’s respect, not their pity.
I’m 17 years post brain injury and I have had some really dark days. One of the things I remember my gym instructor, Julie, saying to me is “you need a reason to get up in a morning!” That is so true and what everyone needs is a purpose in life and brain injury can rob you of that. In the early days my dad said to me that my purpose was ‘to get better’. I could have (and did for a while) used that excuse for ever as getting better could be something you never achieve, and I then would use the excuse to procrastinate and avoid responsibility.
Finding Motivation and Moving Forward
At times, brain injury has been scary though. Something that I have never been truly able to express is the total helplessness I feel and absolutely zero confidence in myself to do anything when hit by fatigue. It’s like standing at the bottom of mount Everest and being expected to climb it in flipflops, it isn’t going to happen. I didn’t want to take on the world at this point, I just wanted to go to bed, put the electric blanket on and sleep. It’s an awfully negative way to feel and can have really dangerous repercussions for people who are extremely prone to depression. You will feel like this at times, it’s unrealistic to think that you can avoid it altogether, so don’t make that your goal as it won’t happen. Neither should you be a victim, I found that I needed to be brave and make things happen or you will stay that way.
Don’t be scared because what you can do is to make a start. Don’t be scared because you don’t have to climb Everest, you just have to climb a little hill because that is better than nothing. Go for a walk and see how you feel afterwards, in fact, it’s a great way to start improving your fitness.
This is one thing that you will never regret, no matter what your age or whether or not you have a brain injury! Fitness is so good for you both physically and mentally, trust me on this you won’t find an argument saying better fitness is a bad thing. It’s only bad if you overdo it but then isn’t that the case with everything. If it’s something you’ve never done in your life, then it’s time to get out of your comfort zone and join a gym.
Once you’ve joined a gym then if you’re lucky enough to be able to afford it, get some personal training, if not then book yourself onto a class. If it makes you nervous then do you have someone that could go with you? If you don’t have anyone to go with you then don’t use that as an excuse not to go but visit at a quiet time (midday in the week, for example) and speak to the staff when they are not rushed, they want your business and will help you. If that’s too much, then look at local running clubs, most have a walking group which will have like-minded people in, you will be surprised!
Embracing Consistency and Routine
Feeling a bit more confident? Then look into couch to 5k (a national program designed to get totally unfit people running, it builds you up gradually and you will be able to run 5k at the end!). You need to make yourself a routine, classes are good because they are on at the same time each week and you can plan your week around them. Make sure you expect to be tired afterwards i.e. make sure you don’t have anything cognitive planned for the following morning. Go next week and keep going, you will feel better, consistency is everything!
It sounds cliched and a bit cheesy but giving something back is a brilliant way to make you feel better about yourself. Ask at your local Headway group about volunteering, you will feel better for it, honestly, and you will wonder why you didn’t do it before.
Living with a brain injury is very tough but letting it beat you is a sure way to make you feel worse. The braver you are and the healthier you are, the better you will feel. That isn’t something I’ve read, it’s something I’ve found out from living with a traumatic brain injury for 17 years. Am I always fit? Do I always live as healthy as I can? Absolutely not, and I don’t believe it’s healthy to become obsessed,
Looking back, the times that I have been happiest is when I have been fit, healthy and looking after myself. Likewise, I have been the most unhappy when I have been lazy, eating and drinking too much (I mean consistently, with the exception of Christmas and birthdays of course… or easter! I ate a full Terrys Chocolate to myself last night!). Don’t buy it so it’s not in your house!
At first, brain injury will heal by itself but that comes to an end. To carry your recovery on then you have to put the effort in and it is so worth it! You can make more progress than ever before, really challenge yourself you will be surprised. I’ve run 10ks, half marathons, marathons and even 50k, I’ve done loads of public speaking and at heart I’m a shy kid and my least favorite subject at school was cross country! I’ve made myself do everything! I don’t think I’m in any way special, quite the opposite. In fact, my confidence is pretty low at the moment - I can give you loads of excuses why, but I’m unfit at the moment.
I know what I have to do, sometimes its hard but you have to make yourself do it. Trust me when I say you never regret a workout! I’m going back to running club tonight!
You too, you’ve plateaued now, nobody’s going to do it for you so if you want some self-esteem, then don’t make excuses but get fit and get volunteering!
Brooke Trotter
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